Lilly

Fear; it makes us crazy. Fear can get the best of you in a millisecond. Fear is the strongest emotion, it can make love run, it can make strong quiver, it can make happiness disappear. It causes fights. It ruins relationships, and sometimes even lives. It makes the one person you can't get off your mind seem like the devil, when they are nothing less than an earthbound angel. It throws off our perception of reality. It creates these deep black holes of worry that suck you in and won't let go. Fear is my worst enemy. It isn't a fear of change anymore. I used to fear change, dread the day when even the slightest thing moved out of my perfect alignment. I liked my little 'perfect' life. Everything had its position in the perfection, and the second one hair got out of place, shit hit the fan. Over the years rough circumstances have taught me that change is many times for the better. I no longer fear change. "If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
Fear, however, still consumes a great deal of my sanity. The fear of being hurt. The fear of hurting someone you care a great deal for. The fear of loss. The fear of rejection. The fear of the risk. The fear is what is holding me back from jumping into your arms. The fear is keeping my life in place. The fear is eating me inside. I try to run away from it. I try to convince myself its going to be okay. I try and break down the fear. I try to get to the core of it, and make it go away. But its a greater power than me. It's stronger than I am right now. It's The Fear. Fear is my greatest enemy. I will overcome this fear. It may take me a few weeks. It could take me a few months. It might take me a few years. But this fear will vanish into thin air...but not tonight. Tonight I will go to sleep thinking about what part scares me the most. Tonight I will go to sleep thinking of what I should have said to you but was too scared, instilled again by the fear. Tonight I will regret. Tonight I will survive. but tomorrow is still unknown. cross your fingers for tomorrow. Tomorrow I might get up the courage to tell you something about me. Tomorrow I may get up the courage to ask you something about you. Tomorrow I may get up the courage to do what I've been wanting to do for a long time now. I will write tomorrow's page as it comes. And hopefully it comes without the fear. <3